Why these red flags are easy to miss
After my last post about being suddenly discarded, a few people asked what the relationship was actually like. Looking back now the warning signs were all their, loud and clear.
The confusing part is that you know their behaviour is wrong and you shouldn’t accept it. But then they become attentive and warm again, and it tricks your mind into thinking everything will be okay, so you let things slide that you shouldn’t.
Your nervous system is in flight or fight mode constantly. You keep wondering why you allow this person to disrespect you and hurt you. You show more patience then they deserve. You constantly don’t know where you stand in the relationship, you have no power. These types of relationships are truly so destructive for your mental health.
Dismissive avoidant dating red flags check list
So here’s something I wish I had paid closer attention to earlier.
If you’re dating someone and several of these feel familiar… please take it seriously.
🚩 Disrespect
Your feelings, boundaries and concerns are brushed aside or minimised.
🚩 A “sketchy” friendship that crosses boundaries
There’s always someone they insist is “just a friend”… yet the dynamic feels inappropriate and you’re expected to simply accept it.
🚩 No real accountability
They rarely apologise. And if they do, it’s often on their terms and feels forced or insincere.
They’ll apologise for something minor they choose, but not for the behaviour you’ve actually told them hurt you.
🚩 Gaslighting
If you question behaviour that hurts you, you’re told you’re imagining things, overreacting or being too sensitive.
🚩 Everything happens on their terms
When you see each other, how much time they give you, what the relationship looks like. Control is subtle but constant.
🚩 Emotional support flows one way
They lean on you when they need understanding and support, but when you need the same in return… it simply isn’t there.
🚩 Endless excuses for hurtful behaviour
Every action that crosses a boundary comes with a justification.
🚩 Push–pull behaviour
Warm and attentive when they want connection. Distant or cold when you ask for it.
🚩 Your intuition keeps whispering that something isn’t right
Your intuition keeps telling you something is wrong
Looking back now, I can see the hardest truth about that relationship.
The hardest truth I learned
It didn’t work because both of us kept choosing him.
I was always trying to understand him, support him, justify his behaviour and make excuses for things that should never have been acceptable.
And when it ended, the most shocking part wasn’t the breakup.
It was realising someone I loved could discard the relationship without the slightest empathy, remorse or respect.
That kind of experience can shake you deeply.
But it also teaches you something important.
Trust your intuition earlier
Never ignore your intuition when it’s trying to protect you.
You need to make hard decisions very early on so you don’t let other’s destroy you.
If this post resonated: I wrote an ebook called Just Friends: When Boundaries Blur and Respect Disappears. It’s an honest, personal look at blurred boundaries, disrespect, and learning to trust yourself sooner. It’s available on Amazon here:
Roaming Towards Myself 
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