Absolutely. Here’s a sarcastic, funny, human-sounding response:
How do you plan the perfect road trip?
First of all, I don’t believe in the perfect road trip.
That sounds like something invented by people who own matching luggage, fold maps correctly, and don’t end up eating crisps for dinner in a service station car park while arguing with Google Maps.
My version of road trip planning is more realistic.
I start with a vague destination, usually chosen because I saw a photo online and thought, yes, I could absolutely build an entire personality around that place for one afternoon.
Then I check the distance and immediately lie to myself.
“Three hours? Easy.”
It is never three hours.
It is three hours plus roadworks, one wrong turn, a petrol stop, a toilet stop, a snack stop, and at least twenty minutes spent saying, “This doesn’t look right,” while continuing to drive in the wrong direction with confidence.
The perfect road trip needs snacks. This is non-negotiable. Not sensible snacks either. Nobody wants carrot sticks on a road trip unless they are being punished. You need crisps, chocolate, drinks, and something you bought “just in case” that gets eaten within the first forty minutes.
Music matters too. You need songs you can sing badly, songs that make you feel dramatic while looking out the window, and at least one song from your teenage years that makes you briefly believe you still have functioning knees and no life admin.
I also like a loose plan. Not a spreadsheet. Not a military operation. Just enough structure so you don’t accidentally end up in a town where everything is closed except one terrifying public toilet and a shop selling magnets from 1998.
The best road trips have a bit of chaos in them. A strange café. A weird statue. A castle ruin. A road that looks questionable but “probably goes somewhere.” A moment where you wonder if you’ve made a mistake, followed by a view so beautiful you forgive yourself immediately.
So no, I don’t plan the perfect road trip.
I plan a hopeful one.
Then I pack snacks, charge my phone, ignore my own timetable, and see what happens.
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